Rescinding and Revising My Notes From the Depths of Woman-Geared Christian Publishing
The Young Lady in Waiting: Developing the Heart of a Princess by Jackie Kendall
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
***see updated review below***
a) For my research, I purchased both “Young Lady in Waiting” and “Lady in Waiting” assuming this “young” version would be directed toward adolescent girls as opposed to adult or even young adult women. But from what I can tell, “Young Lady in Waiting” is literally the same text as “Lady in Waiting” with a pink cover and pocket-sized shape. While hypothetically written to “young” readers, the text references the fact that the reader may be a divorcee or in their 40’s. How is that different than just plain “Lady in Waiting”? is there somewhere “a Teeny Tiny Lady in Waiting” book I need to refer to?
b) Shockingly, despite the fact that the book patronizes its readers (however young or old they may be) with trite devotional questions and horrifically simplified life application examples, the advice—wait for it—is not tremendously terrible. It’s incomplete and over-generalized, but in the sea of Christian publishing geared towards women’s participation in male/female relationships, this may be the least offensive I’ve found. I don’t like the medium AT ALL, but much of the message appears more helpful than detrimental, even if it is grossly over-simplified.
*******Update*************
Okay, I take that all back. I think my original “it’s not the worst there is” response was because I wrote much less in the margins than in the other books I’m reading in this genre. But less notes does not equal less dysfunction. As I type up my notes from the book, I’m seeing more clearly the theme of disconnecting women/girls from their physical selves, particularly their experience of pleasure. The assumption (and sometimes explicit message) is that physical expression of sensuality or sexuality will automatically mean loss of relationship/intimacy with the guy you want to be closer to- thus playing into the paradigm of women only understanding their bodies and sexuality as something they give over to men because men want it- but that it will mean a loss of self. You give sex to men because they want it (and you as a woman will never want it except as a way to keep a man interested in you) but sex is scary because you lose intimacy even as you give it. This is the message the book conveys about premarital sex, but if girls follow the book’s logic (as the patronizingly persuasive text is designed to make you do) then girls will fear sex in marriage as loss of friendship just as they’ve been told about before marriage.
I’m not advocating that books should teach girls to chase after sexual experiences before marriage, but I definitely don’t want girls in my life to be taught that their sexuality belongs to men and comes at the cost of their relational self.
View all my reviews >>
1 | Peter
December 14th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Thanks for the revision to your original review. It’s pretty obvious that the polarization that characterizes much of our society exists in our approach to sexuality as well. On one hand, media objectify men and women as sexual objects, separating sex in any meaningful way from enduring relationships. On the other hand, American parents continue to drop the ball when it comes to helping their children gain a healthy sense of sexuality and self.
The Song of Songs should give us a clue that God isn’t scared of sex.
As a parent of two young children, one female and the other male, I think pretty regularly about how I would like to teach my kids to respect their bodies and to be able to talk openly and honestly about sexuality. I can’t say that I’m quite sure how to do that, considering this wasn’t modeled to me in my upbringing.
In addition to an abundance of moralistic shit like this book, there is a paucity of literature that promotes a healthy marriage of sex and self. Maybe an enlightened MHGS alumnus could fill the gap someday.
2 | Kj
December 15th, 2009 at 3:18 am
thanks Peter. to some extent, I feel its a luxury for me to explore these issues while not being a parent. thanks for sharing your perspective.
speaking on Song of Songs, i think it’s in this book that Song of Songs is used to say that God wants to protect girl’s virginity. “do not arouse or awaken love” has become an abstinence mantra. Oh the irony of using erotic Hebrew love poetry as a sex-deterrent!
also- hopefully I’ll actually write a proper review of it, but Beth Felker Jones wrote a Christian response to Twilight called “Touched By A Vampire” (i’m guessing she didn’t get to choose the title) and I think she really nails the sexuality/gender roles/sexual violence/loss of self issues that pervade that series as well as evangelical texts for girls. May be the first fruits of a needed message for girls dreaming of being rescued/ravaged by dangerous warrior men. worth checking out.